Struggling Between Pleasure and Powerlessness

Every time I wish to go out with friends or travel, a surge of guilt floods my mind. Holidays are meant to be a time of relaxation, yet they become burdensome due to my parents’ values, as they believe that, as an international student, I spend too much time abroad and should be accompanying them during my breaks. This viewpoint demonstrates a strong emphasis on the family unit but overlooks individual emotional needs, amounting to an infringement on personal boundaries.

 

This psychological turmoil has become increasingly apparent over the past year, as I find myself struggling amidst confusion and anxiety, akin to exploring within a dark whirlpool. According to Sigmund Freud's theory, this internal conflict is precisely the confrontation between the ego and the superego. The ego desires freedom and satisfaction, while the superego represents internalized moral standards and societal norms (Freud, 1923). This theoretical framework illuminates the tension individuals experience between adhering to societal norms and pursuing self-actualization, further explaining my bewilderment and pain in navigating my parents' expectations against my own aspirations.

 

In addition, Burkitt (1991) posits that the development of the self is significantly influenced by social interactions, with individual identity often constrained by the expectations of others. In this context, I find myself grappling between my parents' cultural expectations and my pursuit of self-identity. The traditional cultural emphasis on family as the fundamental social unit, together with Confucius' principle of "Harmonious family is the foundation of prosperity," often suppresses individual freedom in favor of familial duty. This suggests that while traditional family values play a crucial role in maintaining familial harmony, they may simultaneously lead to a sense of oppression in one's quest for self-fulfillment.

 

As societal changes take place, individualism has gradually emerged, challenging traditional views. Since I began receiving Western education at the age of 14, I have encountered disruptive cognitive and ideological conflicts. As Burkitt notes, modern society increasingly values individual identity and self-actualization (Beck, 1992), yet such changes are often resisted within conservative family environments. This clash of values across generations not only affects parent-child relationships but also obstructs my self-identification.

 

Within the framework of individuation theory, society should recognize the existence and capability of individual independence and self-realization. However, I have been unable to engage my parents in equal discussions about this concept. Despite attempting to express my independence in both direct and gentle manners, nearly all my efforts have ended in failure. This undoubtedly intensifies my feelings of frustration and inner unrest. My therapist has advised me to achieve financial independence promptly to extricate myself from this conflicting predicament. Nevertheless, I deeply long for my parents' recognition and hope to establish a healthy, intimate relationship with them. This tug-of-war between self-identity and family responsibilities compels me to continually reflect on the delicate balance between personal freedom and familial expectations. As Burkitt asserts, societal feedback is crucial for self-identity, and the communication barriers between my parents and me represent the core battleground for my self-identification in social interactions with others.