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My Journey

2022~2024

In this section, I showcase some of my previous works to support and explain my current research theme. Along the way, I've been greatly influenced by many artists and scholars. My life experiences also play an important role in my creative process. I enjoy writing down my feelings and thoughts.

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Paul Cézanne, The Card Players, 1895
Oil on canvas
73.7 x 60.3 cm
National Gallery of Art, Washington, D.C.

In the late 19th century, France was undergoing rapid industrialization and urbanization, profoundly impacting traditional lifestyles and intensifying socio-economic disparities. In this turbulent environment, Cézanne chose to focus on the lives of marginalized individuals, which leads me to reflect on how art can not only capture beauty but also unveil the realities of society.

In this painting, the three men engrossed in their card game encapsulate a powerful emotional tension, despite their humble surroundings. This composition not only highlights their interpersonal connections but also prompts me to think about the societal group they represent. Cézanne uses simple forms to convey the profound struggles and resilience of humanity, as if whispering to us in an era of transition: even in adversity, the bonds between individuals are deserving of our attention.

Title: Composition, Video Frame

Date of work: 2023

Materials used to produce the original piece: Mixed-Media Artwork,Ceramic paint and acrylic material on a porcelain plate,Play chess video 24s,

Dimensions of original work in centimeters (CM): 30 x 14,30 x 30,30 x 30,30 Disc

This insight challenges me to consider how I can respond to the social and historical contexts in my own work. I aspire to integrate these profound themes into my artistic expressions, capturing seemingly ordinary moments that carry significant emotional weight. It inspires me to strive towards becoming an artist who pays attention to social themes and listens to the voices of the marginalized. Through my work, I hope to convey these overlooked narratives, allowing more people to see and hear the quiet yet resilient stories that deserve to be told.

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Ueno, Chizuko. 厭女 (Misogyny). Translated by Wang Lanlan, Shanghai Sanlian Bookstore, 2023.

Delving into "Misogyny" by Ueno Chizuko, she meticulously dissects the societal scaffolds that specifically stifle Japanese women. Ueno underscores how deep-seated beliefs. She further scrutinizes how ubiquitous gender stereotypes can potentially hinder women's opportunities, fostering inherent biases. An intriguing facet she introduces is the concept of microaggressions — subtle, often inadvertent comments or actions that inadvertently perpetuate gender stereotypes. These might seem inconsequential on the surface, but their cumulative effect can gradually undermine a woman's self-esteem. Ueno's astute observations have deepened my understanding of the nuanced forces at play, making me more aware of the myriad subtleties impacting women's lives. Promoting individual autonomy amid deep-rooted stereotypes involves understanding the essence of our cognitive progression. Our journey from primal instincts to complex comprehension lays the foundation for my research. I aim to use this understanding to help individuals tap into their inherent identities, offering them a chance to detach from societal molds.

Excerpts from the article:

  • In a patriarchal society, women are either defined as extensions of men or excluded altogether.

  • A woman's self-realization is often viewed as a betrayal of her expected role.

  • Within a male-centric social structure, women's existence is acknowledged only as sexual objects and reproductive tools.

  • The roots of misogyny lie in viewing women as accessories rather than independent individuals.

  • Misogyny manifests in men as contempt for women, while in women, it manifests as self-hatred.

  • For men, the most important function of women is to protect their self-esteem.

  • Men who buy sex are not purchasing women; they are purchasing the symbol of womanhood.

  • A woman's jealousy typically targets the other women in a man's life, whereas a man's jealousy often focuses on his partner's infidelity.

  • Women’s hatred of other women is often learned from their mothers. A mother may instill a sense of self-hatred in her daughter by expressing disdain for her femininity, while the daughter responds with contempt for her mother upon witnessing her mother's dissatisfaction and unfulfilled life.

  • The existence of misogyny is akin to Pavlov's dog; it is merely a habit cultivated by culture. Changing these ingrained habits is not easy, but recognizing that they are not fate, just habits, is always a positive step forward.

Genderless

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As I studied feminism more deeply, I made some changes. I cut my long hair and started wearing gender-neutral clothing. This choice put me between imitating male social roles and identifying as "genderless." On one side, I wanted to challenge traditional societal and family expectations of my female role through a more masculine appearance. On the other side, I recognized my desire for the same voice as my father, along with the respect and recognition from those around me.

Psychological research shows that gender identity and expression directly affect self-identity and social interactions (Eagly & Wood, 1999). Notably, when I walked on the street with a neutral appearance, I felt more comfortable. The male gaze and harassment I faced noticeably decreased. This aligns with the concept of "body politics" in feminist theory. Body politics examines how individuals gain power and security through the interaction between body image and social expectations (Bartky, 1990). When I displayed traits of traditional female roles, the unsettling gazes from others increased. This phenomenon, known as the "gaze," emphasizes the discomfort and objectification of women's bodies in public spaces (Mulvey, 1975). I realized that when my appearance is neutral or more masculine, I can at least feel a sense of security and communicate more equally with others, without worrying about the biases and pressures related to gender.

This experience reflects contemporary feminists’ focus on diversity and fluid identity. It challenges traditional binary views of gender and emphasizes that everyone should enjoy equal rights and respect in social interactions (Butler, 1990). Through redefining body and appearance, I understood the complexity and contradictions women face in their pursuit of autonomy and self-expression.

Eagly, Alice H., and Steve J. Karau. "Gender and the Effectiveness of Leaders: A Meta-Analysis." Psychological Bulletin, vol. 115, no. 3, 1994, pp. 393-410.

Bartky, Sandra Lee. Femininity and Domination: Studies in the Phenomenology of Oppression. Routledge, 1990.

Mulvey, Laura. "Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema." Screen, vol. 16, no. 3, 1975, pp. 6-18.

Butler, Judith. Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity. Routledge, 1990.

Today, I talked with a classmate who is three years older than me. She was born in China, and we have a similar education background; we both finished middle school in China before coming to Canada for high school. We met in our senior year in the same major—drawing and painting. I see her as a strong and independent woman. She goes to a boxing gym in downtown Toronto two to three times a week. She told me that most of the staff there are former inmates. Hearing this made me feel a bit worried because it reflected my stereotypes about these individuals.

She noticed my concern and smiled to reassure me, saying, “The people at this boxing gym are very friendly, and their stories are really unpredictable, just like a movie plot.” After that, I thought I would like to visit that boxing gym to see that unusual atmosphere for myself.

During our chat, we talked about our plans after graduation and discovered that we had very different views. I think that after finishing my undergraduate studies, I should go for a master’s degree because I don’t feel ready to enter society. She asked, “Then why are you applying to graduate school now? Why not stay in university for another two years like I am?” Her question surprised me, and I replied, “My dad turns 60 at the end of this year, and I want to finish my studies fast so I can spend more time with my family.” I remembered what my father had said to me, his voice still clear in my mind: “Have you thought about how much time you have left to spend with me and your mom? We see each other less and less. After you finish school, you must work, and then you will get married. Once you marry, you will belong to another family, and you won’t come home as often. I’m getting older now... you need to shorten our time apart.”

After years of talking and understanding, my father does not bring up marriage anymore. He now tells me, “Everyone has their own path to walk. You should wait until you find someone you truly want to marry. Let things happen naturally; when the time is right, you will marry. If you never meet that person, that’s okay too. Don’t marry just to marry.” His words touched me and relieved a lot of my pressure. At least in terms of marriage, my father and I agree.

I then asked my friend, “What about you?” She thought for a moment and replied, “I think after finishing my undergraduate degree, I should immediately pursue a master’s degree; I’m studying for the degree, not for myself.” Her words struck me, as she expressed my own reasons. Even though it sounded a bit harsh, I had to admit that it showed a more realistic view. At that moment, I felt a little uncomfortable but could not argue with her.

She continued, “I plan to go back to China for a year after I graduate. I want to see if I can adapt to the current pace of life and the social environment. The main reason is that my childhood sweetheart is still in China, and I really like him. If I can, I want to marry him.”

“Then if you decide to return to Canada later, can your childhood sweetheart move with you?” I asked.

“I’m not sure, but I will invite him to my graduation ceremony first and see how it goes. By the way, what is the bride price in your family?” she asked.

Diary
Date: March 2024

 

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(The bride price, known as "caili," is a traditional practice in China. Even though it is not legally required, it is very important socially. This practice involves money or gifts that the groom's family gives to the bride's family. It shows the groom’s commitment and the family’s ability to provide. The amount of the bride price can differ greatly across regions in China and can depend on local customs, economic situations, and family status. While it has been seen as a way to ensure the bride's well-being, it has also led to debates about gender and values. Despite the law clarifying that the bride price is not needed for marriage, many couples still face pressure from the bride's family, leading some to break up when expectations are too high.)

“I have not thought much about the 'bride price' issue, but my family says that whatever amount the man gives, we will provide twice that amount as 'dowry.' My parents worry that future in-laws may think they are selling their daughter and that I won’t be valued once I marry into their family.” I replied. The bride price is given by the groom's family, while the dowry, also known as '陪嫁' (peijia), is usually given by the bride's family to show their capability and background.

The bride price refers to the property that the groom gives to the bride before marriage. When the bride's family mentions the bride price, it signifies the confirmation of the marriage relationship. In ancient times, this practice was known as "转娶婚" (zhuan qu hun).

The dowry consists of the belongings that the bride brings to her husband's family. It is provided by the bride's family. Whether the dowry is meant for the husband's family or for the daughter herself depends on the specific situation, as beliefs and customs can vary from place to place and among individuals.

Historically, the bride price has been a way for the groom to express gratitude to the bride's parents for raising their daughter to adulthood. 

The dowry, on the other hand, is a gift from the bride's parents to provide their daughter with some financial support in her new home. It ensures that she has resources of her own, allowing her to meet various needs without relying on her husband’s family, especially during times when she might not be working or during childbirth.

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“Did you know? My family is from Henan, and the bride price there is quite high. It usually starts at around 100,000 RMB. My mom says they don’t really care about the amount of the bride price. But if I don’t ask for one, they worry that the groom’s family might think I’m cheap.” As I listened to her, I began to understand the complexities of this issue. In traditional Chinese society, expectations about the bride price involve not just money, but also cultural and social factors.

 

On one hand, asking for a high bride price can lead to claims that women are being treated as objects in a deal. On the other hand, not asking for a bride price might make a woman seem less valuable. This touches on a key point about human nature—people often appreciate things that come with a cost or investment. So, finding a balance in this situation is important, influenced by both tradition and personal beliefs.

“I don’t plan to get married, although I’m not against it. But I feel that getting married isn’t a must in my life,” I said, trying to show my friend that marriage does not have to be so important.

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“I understand that, but I don’t want to get married; I can handle my parents' pressure to marry, and I could choose to leave the expectations in China and stay in Toronto. But my parents would face judgment from our neighbors and friends, who might question if there is something wrong with their daughter for not marrying.” Her words made me realize that in a collectivist society like China, where the common good is key, personal choices are often affected by how others see them. In such a society, group harmony is prioritized, which leads to monitoring of personal behavior by social opinion. Conversations among neighbors and friends motivate people to meet social expectations to avoid criticism.

“It’s so difficult. I truly don’t care about what others think, and I know China’s social structure focuses on collectivism. I wouldn’t mind being discussed, but if my choices lead to my parents facing scrutiny, I can’t handle that,” I said, feeling both helpless and angry. “That’s why I want to keep studying. As a graduate student, I might have a bit more influence in China, and I might be able to earn some money.”

 

“I also have a backup plan—trying life in China for a year; if I’m unhappy or can’t adapt, I’ll return to Toronto,” she said. “I want to fully experience my life first, and it’s not too late to go to graduate school after I get some life experience. Look at our classmates; some are in their 40s or even 60s, and they still choose to learn from the starting point.”

I remembered a friend who runs a bar in Shanghai said something similar: “When she talks about business projects, she looks for older partners. Older people have more credibility than younger ones because their experiences over time are valuable.” This made me realize that no matter how high someone’s education is or how wide their view might be, real-life experience and time are crucial. I understand that I lack that depth and experience; I still feel too young. However, with my family’s views in mind, it seems that pursuing a graduate degree is the best choice for my future.

At that moment, I was still anxious about getting into graduate school while also preparing for my upcoming undergraduate exhibition. My mind was restless; my worries made me overlook the people around me, as I focused all my energy on my own goals.

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Chantal Joffe, Big Blonde in a Red Dress, 2012
Oil on canvas
Dimensions unavailable
Sold at Cheim & Read at FIAC

Chantal Joffe

In analyzing Chantal Joffe's "Big Blonde in a Red Dress" (2012), I am profoundly aware of the emotional depth this work conveys. The gold-haired woman in the striking red dress immediately captures my attention with her vivid colors and bold composition.

 

Red, this intense and alluring color, symbolizes power and independence, and Joffe utilizes it, combined with her dynamic brushwork, to portray a complex female figure. While her posture appears graceful, I still sense an almost hidden struggle deep within her. Her gaze reflects a sense of confusion and disquiet, as if silently questioning the contradictions between her identity and societal expectations.

 

This expression of emotion resonates with me as I consider the challenges many women face in contemporary society—striving to exude confidence while simultaneously confronting external scrutiny and pressure. To me, Joffe's work is not only a celebration of feminine beauty but also a challenge to traditional aesthetic standards. This exploration and introspection prompt me to reflect on my own practice, as I aspire to convey similarly profound and complex emotions in my art.

Luc Tuymans

Luc Tuymans. Arenas II. 2014. Oil on canvas, 6 x 8 feet.

Luc Tuymans' work represents a subtler exploration of emotion. He skillfully employs blurred imagery and soft color palettes to create a surreal atmosphere, as if suggesting that our understanding of history and reality is always partial. Each of his paintings feels like a portal into the subconscious, inviting me to delve into profound reflections on time, memory, and individual experience.

 

Engaging with Tuymans' work has made me acutely aware of his sensitivity to history, prompting me to reconsider my own memories and cultural background. Through his reimagining of specific historical events, he not only presents images of the past but also reveals how we can interpret history from our contemporary perspectives. That haze and uncertainty are precisely what give his work its allure.

In reviewing Luc Tyumas' work, I understand it through the lens of the concept of "Anwesenheit" (presence) from German philosophy. The idea of "presence" (and its opposite, "absence") has awakened my previous interest in the "primordial reaction." For instance, in pieces like "Ambiguity and Elusiveness," the subtle palette in Tyumas' art, coupled with sometimes blurred or uncertain details, might make the subjects seem distant or elusive. This can be interpreted as a play between presence and absence, clarity and ambiguity. This hints at the subject's existence while its entire essence remains elusive. The subtlety and restraint in Tyumas' work encourage active viewer engagement. This participation guides viewers to fill in gaps subjectively. Viewers must grapple with the painting, filling in the blanks, confronting ambiguity, and actively evocating memories and emotions. Understanding Luc Tyumas' work through the lens of "Anwesenheit" has deepened my grasp of his exploration of the relationship between people and history and their ability to overlook the past.

My work delves into the perceptions I’ve observed in the male gaze present in Hollywood movies I’ve watched in the past, where women are often objectified. The female heroes of Marvel embody qualities I’ve long desired. However, it wasn’t until I faced infidelity that I questioned why I was pursuing the ideals of a ‘perfect body’ and personality. I challenged the health and comfort underlying these notions; my response was contradictory. I realized the need to embrace my authentic self and redefine my ‘beauty.’ This led me to create self-portraits that depict a ‘perfection’ that disregards societal norms. I aim to showcase contemporary women’s plight through conflicting relationships between background and character. I intended to convey that everyone has the potential to be their hero, transcending standardized ideals. In a world without clear standards, the emergence of heroes holds diverse narratives.

Title: Self-Portrait Series of Heroes_Wonder Gaga 

Date of work: 2023

Materials used to produce the original piece: Oil Painting on Canvas, Clothes,Wigs 

Dimensions of original work in centimeters (CM): 40 x 40

Georg Baselitz

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Kerstin Joensson/Getty Images SALZBURG, AUSTRIA - MAY 18: German painter, sculptor and graphic artist Georg Baselitz during his exhibition opening "adler barfuss" at Thaddaeus Ropac Hall on May 18, 2024 in Salzburg, Austria. (Photo by Kerstin Joensson/Getty Images)

I am often captivated by his intense spirit of rebellion. Baselitz's art transcends mere visual presentation; it serves as a profound reflection on identity and history. His inverted paintings not only challenge traditional modes of viewing but also push the boundaries of artistic expression. To me, this subversive technique is a form of exploration regarding societal norms and self-awareness.

 

Each time I engage with his work, I can sense the loneliness and struggle coupled with intense emotion. Baselitz employs bold lines and striking color blocks, as if conversing directly with the viewer, attempting to evoke a resonance deep within us. The inverted imagery blurs the boundaries of reality, forcing me to contemplate the nature of true existence. Through this exploration, I find myself questioning not only the art before me but also my own perceptions of reality and identity.

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Title: Cognitive process: Body

Date of work: 2023.8

Materials used to produce the original piece: Ceramic craft

Dimensions of original work in centimeters (CM): 30 x 40 x 30

Title: Gaga’s  Shadow

Date of work:  Nov 29,2023

Materials used to produce the original piece:  Oil Paint And Pastels On Canvas

Dimensions of original work in centimeters (Inch): 52 x 78 Inch

Daily & Record

Homework

 

·Self (Who)

 

·Neutral topic

,Feminism in Chinese social environment/American white male”,Thought.

 

Feminism

 

·Female self-awareness awakening.

 

·Gender equality

 

·People marginalized by society

 

·This summer, I stayed in China for 6 months.

 

→I thought I knew and understood a lot of knowledge about feminism. So I want to help more people to get real happiness and recognize their own confidence.

 

>And the one I want to help is my female mother (this is about the growth environment and social environment of my parents and their generations?

 

In my previous thinking, I need to be confident, self-reliant, and work hard for my own goals, and then I may be truly happy or satisfied.

The voice of the oppressed.

 

1. "Oppression of family background":

 

Ahmad's family background may be a typical example, reflecting the restrictions of traditional culture on individuals.

 

The book may show Ahmad's inner struggle and dissatisfaction through his dialogue with his parents. These dialogues reveal the conflict between generations and his eagerness to pursue his dreams.

 

2. "Restrictions of the education system"

 

3. "Social discrimination and prejudice" "Prejudice"

 

4. "Symbols of confrontation and resistance"

 

5. "Inner struggle and growth"

 

· "Emotion and politics"

 

· "Social criticism": Ahmad criticized the gender inequality in today's society and called for social reform.

Recent Notes and Learning.

The relationship between self and society: The self is not an isolated existence, nor is it self-sufficient, but is formed in social interaction with others. Our self-concept and identity develop through our understanding of others' views of us and our internalization of these views. .

 

·Role-playing: People learn and understand social norms and the expectations of others by playing social roles. Experience and understand meaning by "putting yourself in the position of others".

 

A sentence I saw before: It is easiest to see yourself clearly when you are in a close relationship, just like looking in the mirror when you are with others.

 

In the role-playing of a female character, I myself play the role of a super hero in the image. At that time, I only thought of provoking the "gaze" and the social expectations of women. Now looking back at this work, if my heart longs to become a role recognized by society.

 

Regarding the criticism of "the relationship between self and society":

 

· Some scholars may criticize this view, relying too much on the feedback of others, ignoring the influence of individual internal psychological factors and innate factors on the self. For example:

 

Freud's psychoanalytic theory emphasizes the coordination of inner conflicts and subconsciousness, the shaping of self, which is in some opposition to the view of social interaction.

 

· In addition, some postmodern theories will question the stability of the self, believing that the self is constantly changing and fragmented, influenced by multiple social cultures, rather than formed by a single interaction.

 

In social psychology, social comparison theory and looking-glass self theory further confirm the process of forming self-cognition through feedback from others.

 

If self-cognition does need to be formed through feedback from others in society, but environmental and psychological factors will lead to the instability of this self-cognition?

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In my study of Michel Foucault's concept of the circular panopticon in "Discipline and Punish," I see how important this theory is for understanding power in modern society. Foucault says that the circular panopticon is not just a place of confinement. It is a metaphor for social control. In this system of surveillance, people become part of a "disciplinary society." Their behaviors and thoughts are strictly regulated. This means that everyone is both a subject of social discipline and a participant in surveillance and self-surveillance. This complex relationship creates a balance that makes power seem more legitimate and invisible.

 

Foucault’s idea of "discipline" shows how power works through methods like education, surveillance, and training. These methods help people learn self-restraint over time. This process affects how people behave and think. It also helps them understand their roles and responsibilities in society. This understanding makes me more aware of the possible surveillance in everyday life. It shows how these mechanisms shape our thoughts and actions.

Foucault, Michel. 'Discipline and Punish: The Birth of the Prison'. Translated by Alan Sheridan, Vintage Books, 1995.

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